


God Bless the Weather Girls

by bornforwar_archivist



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-31
Updated: 2006-12-31
Packaged: 2020-03-17 11:15:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18964138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bornforwar_archivist/pseuds/bornforwar_archivist
Summary: By Jo RisuA jilted lover casts a spell that has widespread effects across the UC Sunnydale campus... (Humorous, will be short)





	God Bless the Weather Girls

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Delenn, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Born For War](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Born_For_War), which closed in 2015. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in March 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Born For War collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bornforwar).

_Humidity is rising..._ _Barometer is getting low..._ _According to our sources..._ _The street is the place to go...  
_

 

**********

 

 

Dashing tears from her eyes, the young woman took a deep, angry breath. Concentrating, despite her quivering lip and aching heart, she managed to warble out the last words of the spell, releasing her power into the world. If he didn't love her, then by god, she would find a man who would.

 

 

**********

 

 

Xander slammed open the door to the Magic Shop, urgency written all over his face. 

 

Willow's eyes widened in alarm. "Xander! Are you okay? What's wrong?" 

 

Instead of answering, he just flashed her a raking, sexy, completely un-Xander-like smirk. Then he walked up to Anya, grabbed her by the hips and pulled her firmly up against him. "Hi." 

 

"Xander, if this is about orgasms, I really shouldn't right now. There are paying customers here who - oh!" Anya's protests cut off as Xander ducked his head down, placing warm, open-mouthed kisses along her neck. "Well, I suppose that just one-" Again, the ex-vengeance demon was silenced by her fiance's lips, this time when he covered her mouth with his own. Passionate, hard, almost feral. 

 

At the table, Willow tried not to watch what her best friend was doing to his fiancee. But it was like a train wreck. She just couldn't look away. Lust and love and passion were practically rolling off them in visible waves. It was cute. And it was damn sexy. Willow suddenly missed Oz. 

 

"How 'bout we wander back to the training room," Xander drawled in a husky voice. 

 

Anya swallowed hard, completely breathless after just one kiss. This promised to be an exciting orgasmic experience. "Uh huh." The two hustled to the back of the store, already starting to unfasten buttons and open zippers.

 

Willow winced as the door slammed shut, and she heard a thud that may or may not have been her two friends hitting the floor. Within seconds, loud moans and screams reverberated in the thankfully customer-free store. Blushing furiously, the redheaded witch got up, turned the sign on the door to "Closed", and left. _What the hell has gotten into Xander?_

 

As she headed back towards the dorms, she passed near one of the buildings where her boyfriend had his afternoon class. Willow checked her watch to see if she was in time to walk with him to dinner. Six-thirty on the dot. She grinned as Oz came out of the building, his wiry frame distinct. Her smile faltered as she caught sight of his intense expression. "Oz?" she called. 

 

The musician didn't answer, he just strode straight up to her, dropped his backpack and cupped her face in his hands, kissing her fiercely. "I love you," he whispered, pulling her body closer to his. 

 

"Oz, wait, what are you doing?" Willow struggled to stay coherent as he started to lick and suck at her neck and sensitive ear. 

 

"I'm not panicking, if that's what you mean," he murmured, his hands wandering over her back and teasing the edge of her shirt. 

 

"Oh," she said. Then, "Home now?" 

 

He just smiled possesively. 

 

*********

"God, what is with everyone today?" Buffy snarled in disgust, as she opened the door to the dorm she shared with Willow. Just her luck the key got stuck in the lock, so she contined speaking as she wiggled it, trying to pull the metal apart. "Like, the whole campus just got bitten with ooey-gooey greeting card mushiness. Someone should send them the memo, Valentine's Day isn't until February." Buffy looked up, only to see Willow and Oz - obviously naked - snuggled up under the covers of the redhead's bed. _Great._

 

"Sweetest's Day?" Willow offered sheepishly, wrapping herself more closely around her werewolf boyfriend. 

 

"Nice try, Wills. But Sweetest's Day was three weeks ago. I should know. There was much profit made by Hershey's and Hallmark. And did I get anychocolatey consolation? No." 

 

"I shared my pint of Ben&Jerry's," she protested, obviously not really caring. "Mmm. Oz." She turned her face to hide it against his neck, breathing in his scent. 

 

Buffy threw up her hands in exasperation, tossed her books down, and sighed. "Fine. I'm going to patrol. Hopefully, when I get back, there will be less naked in my room. Okay?" 

 

"M'kay." Willow nuzzled him contentedly, still lost in the post-coital glow that three hours of mind-blowing sex leaves behind. 

 

Rolling her eyes, the Slayer grabbed a handful of stakes out of her dresser drawer and stormed out. 

 

**********

 

 

_'Cause tonight for the first time_ _Just about half past ten_ _For the first time in history_ _It's gonna start raining men!_

 

Buffy grumbled to herself as she walked across the campus. It was oddly deserted tonight - with all the couple-ing that had been going on that day, she'd be surprised if the majority of the student body wasn't... er, coupling. She almost snorted at her unintentional pun, but her mood immediately soured as she passed Kresge Hall. _Parker. Why did this all happen to me? What did I do to deserve being used and discarded? Why did I fall for his cheesy lines and rat-bastard ways?... Why doesn't he want me?_ The Slayer shoved her hands deeper into her jacket pockets, fighting the tears that threatened to well up in her eyes. Trying to distract herself from her melancholy, she looked up at the clock tower. 

 

"It's only ten twenty-nine, and I already feel like curling up into a weepy ball of sad."

 

In the shadows, a menacing presence lurked. Had the Slayer not been so preoccupied with her personal woes, she would have realized her senses were tingling. She didn't even notice the orange glow of a slowly-burning cigarette. 

 

The overcast sky let out a threatening rumble, clouds begining to churn and coalesce. 

 

"Great. And now I'm going to get wet. Perfect." Buffy almost threw up her hands in disgust. Suddenly, a dark blur appeared out of nowhere, tackling her into a nearby doorway. For a split second, she found herself smooshed face-first into the door to Kresge, a solid mass at her back. Survival instincts kicked in, and she slammed her head back into her attacker, hoping to crack his skull a good one. 

 

"Dammit, Slayer!" The howl was in a familiar British accent. 

 

Buffy felt his arms release her and she whirled, fists at the ready. "What's your problem now? Did Harmony kick you out of the crypt or something?" 

 

Right about then, a loud, moist 'thud' sounded from where Buffy had just been standing. 

 

"Oh, right that's the thanks I get for saving you from _that_..." Spike rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

 

The Slayer looked over, eyes widening as she saw a large, greasy smear on the concrete, along with bits of some unindentifiable substance. _Why the hell did Spike save me?_

 

_Why the hell did I save her? That much weight, smacking into her at that speed? Would've been bloody hysterical..._

 

Buffy frowned, stepping out from the doorway to take a closer look. A rough hand abruptly yanked her back as the noise repeated - a moist 'thud', with a 'splat'-like undertone. As she realized what was falling from the sky, she felt her gorge rise. 

 

Behind her, Spike began to laugh. 

 

_It's raining men!_ _Hallejulah!_ _It's raining men!_ _Amen!_

 

"Oh god," she whimpered. "I've got to go get Giles..." 

 

Cocking his head, Spike reached out and snagged one that landed relatively intact. Vamping out, he took a taste. "Pretty fresh," he commented. "No pulse, but still warm, anyways." 

 

Buffy vomited. 

 

_I'm gonna go out,_ _I'm gonna let myself get_ _Absolutely soaking wet!_

 

Just as suddenly as it had begun, the fall of bodies halted. Spike shrugged, and went back to feeding. Buffy, still dazed, didn't even protest. Carefully and slowly, she started to make her way back to the dorm. 

 

His head down, it took the blonde vampire a moment before he realized that the Slayer had left. Dropping the body, he took off after her at a jog. _She's adorable when she's confused... did I just think that the Slayer is adorable? Oh, bloody hell..._

 

Reaching Stevenson Hall, Buffy was relieved to see that Willow and Oz were downstairs, clothed, in the lounge. Conveniently, Xander, Anya, and Giles were with them. She didn't even notice when Spike followed her into the public area of the ground floor. 

 

"Hey, Buffster," Xander grinned, cuddling closer to his girlfriend. "Why the long face?"

 

"It's raining men," she blurted out, eyes wide. 

 

"Hallelujia!" Willow giggled, nestling down in Oz's arms. 

 

"No, really, Wills. It's raining men." Buffy didn't see what was so funny. 

 

Giles snickered. "Every specimen?" 

 

"More like, two hundred pound, fleshy missiles that plummet to the earth and make fascinating stains on the pavement." Spike stepped out from behind a column, amused at the Scoobies' reactions. 

 

Oz blinked. 

 

Xander gulped. 

 

Willow paled. 

 

Anya smiled.

 

Buffy sighed. 

 

Giles polished his lenses. 

 

"Oh dear." 

 

**********

 

 

_Tall, blonde, dark, and lean..._ _Rough, and tough, and strong, and mean..._

 

Closer to midnight, Spike skulked along the edges of the shadows. Not that he would ever admit it, but he was following the Slayer. And not for evil planning purposes. 

_She's got such a determined stride... Got a plan for everything, Summers does. All that fire, such a tiny package..._

 

William the Bloody, the imaginative half of the sodding Scourge of Europe was not musing. Not admiring. And no, he was DEFINITELY not composing poetry in his head. Oh, hell no. 

 

_In her there is darkness and light intertwining; By duty, for normalcy ever repining... Gods above and below, someone should just stake me now._

 

 

**********

 

God bless Mother Nature She's a single woman too She took over heaven And she did what she had to do   
  


The End

 


End file.
